If Love was a Cringey, Crappy Social Media Hashtag

Everything wrong about sharing details like this

Ah, the #Houdini.

Now you see him/her, now you don’t. In this day and age, it’s normal to fill our pixelated grids with bae. We have every other picture, or every third picture, or every other however many we have mathematically decided is the optimal amount to share of our significant other. It’s us in Greece, or us in New York, or us at the local donut shop.

It’s always fun, with the perfect lighting, and the perfect smiles.

There is so much love and excitement, and we’re so lucky.

One day, those pictures disappear, interrupted and collapsed by the images between them. Almost seamless, the magician has pulled a rabbit out of the hat. Or, er, pulled the significant other out from the grid?

Either way, it’s a magical experience. Now you see me, now you don’t. It’s like I never existed, and, as much as it is strange, most would admit that it’s simultaneously funny.

#Accidentallydeleted or the #ReverseHoudini.

Can you imagine having to write this as a caption?

To delete something you generally have to go through two to three notifications. So, you clicked it once, by accident. Then you clicked it again? Then, the third time, one more time, after you did the second by accident, too?

I suppose it is possible, but it’s an awful lot of work to go through to quell the curiosity of a few followers that nothing is going wrong. The Reverse Houdini isn’t funny because of the accidental messages, it’s funny because of the captioning to let the world know the pictures you put back up were never suppose to go down in the first place.

As if you didn’t momentarily end your relationship over text or something.

#10,000HourRule

Hello, welcome to your new home, the Instagram wall. Get ready to spend the next 10,000 consecutive hours of your life trying to get that one perfect picture that is going to make you and your partner miserable.

You’ll finally stack up against every other couple’s photos who took the exact same one as you, and you’ll lose meaning in the original intent at the same time! You’re killing a bird with several stones, but it’s okay, even the Sower needed to keep sowing.

These seeds are probably not as meaningful or as valuable as the Sower’s to grow, but that’s okay, I don’t believe the 10,000-hour rule applied to rending things meaningful.

#ExchangePolicy

The magic swap of humans by the visual art that is social media. One day they’re on Facebook, the next day they’re — well, replaced.

And it makes you double-take. This isn’t retail clothing, and you don’t think people are disposable. But the age of social media has brought with it the power of a computer in everyone’s pocket. Worse, we have speed.

This level of data transmission is unmatched in any part of human chronology. Only in the last 10 years or so have we been able to access just about every single thing, right in our pocket. Along with that speed comes the beginning and end of our relationships. What was once here is now gone.

It feels wrong. It probably is wrong. But it’s so normalized now that you might find yourself scrolling passed it to get to the next meme.

Written by

UC Berkeley, mathematics. Los Angeles. Long-time runner. Top writer on Quora, 100M+ total content views. New to Medium. Inquiries: Moumj@berkeley.edu

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