Kyle Dennis, the Security Guard, Lunch Break Genius, At-Home Guru, Stock Market Legend

How did he make his millions? Stay tuned to find how the story changes!

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Source: Google search.

Who is Kyle Dennis? Some say he’s a security guard. Others say he’s an astronaut. Once in a while, he’s a manager at McDonald’s.

In his full-time, when he’s not operating his farm, or educating himself in kung-fu, or making love to his super hot girlfriend, he’s looking at the numbers. He’s a stock market guru, after all.

He’s figured it all out, and he’s a bajillionaire. He doesn’t care about his money anymore, that’s why he’s running a charity campaign of digital advertising strips on your Yahoo! homepage telling you how you can make millions.

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He doesn’t even want his money. He’s at home raking in millions passively. He’s so successful that the numbers constantly change on the advertisements.

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He can’t keep up with his own marketing campaigns. He hasn’t made up his mind which backdrop to use, or whether his money was made on his lunch break or at home. Wait a minute, was it $10 million or $2.8?

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Here’s the thing though: Kyle Dennis is no match for his younger brother, Dyle Kennis. That guy has a new backdrop, and even crazier stories. He has better numbers, and different job sequences to cut and paste in his marketing campaigns.

That guy wasn’t trading at home. He was in a rocket going to the International Space Station trading options in his sleep. He made a hundred million dollars while leaving the Earth’s atmosphere.

For some reason, he also has nothing better to do than saturate the internet real estate with non-sensical slogans and images to people who know no better.

Quick, somebody tell Dyle or Kyle that the Federal Trade Commission is taking Online Trading Academy to federal court. I guess something about fraud, lies, and deception doesn’t bode well with the justice system.

Strange.

Written by

UC Berkeley, mathematics. Los Angeles. Long-time runner. Top writer on Quora, 100M+ total content views. New to Medium. Inquiries: Moumj@berkeley.edu

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